Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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