I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
