It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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