The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
