I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
