Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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