If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize