I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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