im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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