Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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