At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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