Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
