it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
