those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
