I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
