Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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