If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
