i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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