Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
