I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
this is an emotional support booty call
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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