I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
