filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
