New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
