Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
