I just threw up on my dentist
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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