I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
