You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want her autograph on my taint
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
