Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
