Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
