i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
did i just pee glitter
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
