Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
