real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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