I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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