my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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