he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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