I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
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I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize