I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
