Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
