Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This house was built for laser tag.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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