I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
try to milk me bitch
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
