apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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