The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You ruined the universe
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
