I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
