dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
