so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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