Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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