Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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