Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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