For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
