The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
