We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need a beard to bite.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
