i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to align my fucking chakras
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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