so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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