thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize