I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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