can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
