so that wasnt chicken after all
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
