Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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