Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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