This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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