wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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