I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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