I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
