I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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