I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I forget how to act sober
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
