I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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