if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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