All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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