I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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