She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just invented taco cereal.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
