she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize