Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
