omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
