if you like me you must not know who I am
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
