im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
