I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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