My friends, they love my intelligence
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
