She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
